is it all coming from libido?

I often hear the people talking about a woman who is considered difficult: "she's not satisfied in bed" or "she needs sex." Why do one's emotional problems often associate with sexuality? It's like linking a confused girl with marriage: considers marriage as a solution to women's problems. For me, it’s belittling the problem.  Some difficult people may show violent behavior due to insecurity, lack of confidence, or even just bad communication skill.

It's sad that in 2020 we are still Freudian in mind: everything comes from libido. This theory is suitable to explain the lives of people in the past: they have a lot of free time, little entertainment. But, for this 4.0 era? Jeez. And guess who likes to say that? Wives! I am sick of seeing married women who demean single people with the words "so do not be picky," or "so women should not be fierce, later no one likes". Is a woman's life just to please others (read: men)?

Yes past researched notice that women are less competitive than men, because of the domestic roles that women have traditionally played, and the patriarchal social order (Kesebir, 2019)

If a woman is smart, she's asked to be modest. If women are competent, they are expected to be not too bright. When women lead, they are told to be bossy when not listening to men's advice.

Do you know what is sadder? Women being stabbed by other women.  In the past, men were blocking women from touching the top. Yeah, you call it the glass ceiling. They still do, but the gap between women and education has been narrowing. Men can do less because women are often giving better results on paper.

But, the woman also makes another woman as an enemy. The competitions among woman are often messy and unsportive. Just look at the women crammed into the Depok-Tanah Abang KRL women's carriages. Elbowing is common,  as well as pushing one another.

Women are backstabber. It's because women taught to keep everything inside. They are not supposed to be competitive and hide their feeling of envy and desire. So, their real feeling can't be shared openly like in the competition between men.

I realized that the people who spoke so were apparently not very happy with their marriages: tiring children, dominating husbands, piling up homework, losing their identity as individuals. The signs are clear. If you are not satisfied with your own life, you start to pry into the lives of others.

So, it's true what Lyn Margolies wrote in Psych Central: women often rely on the approval of others to feel good about themselves. These hyenas are encouraging singles to get married to convince themselves that their choice to get married is right. Feel sorry for them, because Professor of behavioral science at the London School of Economics, Paul Nolan said marriage and children do not – despite several millennia of literature claiming otherwise – give women the sought-after happy ending. In fact, they put them at “higher risk of physical and mental conditions than their single counterparts”. Still, if they choose the right man, the threat could be eliminated. I agree with Hayley Freemanwhen she writes the happiness gaps between married and singles should not lies on the wives only, but also the husband. Most unhappy wives are made by the behavior of their husbands: they were hoping to marry a partner not another child. 

So, although I'm mad of these wives comments, I's feel sadness and pity for them. They were hoping a life of happily ever after like in Cinderella movie, but end up having a cinder life. I really hope these wives can make peace with their lives. Or they're gonna need a talk with a psychologist (with their husbands).


Reference:
Freeman, H. (2019). Women, being married needn’t make you unhappy – if you choose the right man. Retrieved on March 10, 2020, https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/may/29/women-marriage-unhappy-choose-right-man

Kesebir, S. (2019). Research: How Women and Men View Competition Differently. Retrieved on March 10, 2020,  https://hbr.org/2019/11/research-how-men-and-women-view-competition-differently  

Margolies, L. (2018). Competition Among Women: Myth and Reality. Psych Central. Retrieved onMarch 10, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/competition-among-women-myth-and-reality/