Simple things about household

I was walking under the rain today. Do you know how it feels to splash the water down on your feet while listening to Shimizu Shota’s 366 nichi? IT’S awesome. A small happiness like that fills my day and I hope for the rest of my life.

A simple thing could be dangerous. Today, on the way home, a senior who sat next to me lectured me. She was talking about how a marriage should be. Taking example from her own experience and my newly wed friend, I find it really useful. On every marriage, spouses need to know each other. Younger marriage couples are often struck in conflict because they lack experience of controlling emotion. Oh, isn’t that the reason why teen marriage often end with divorce?

In my experience, seeing married people, the beginning of marriage is a very sweet, yet requires hard work. If I may describe this by Tuckman’s group phases, the FORMING stage is when you try to know your partner. Most people start from dating, but adaptation continues to the early marriage.

My senior said that when people dating, they showed their sweetest part. But, as soon as they got married, they turn into someone more demanding, more selfish, and less gentleness. haha. It seems to me that boyfriend is a marketer, the one who flatter you to buy the property. After you pay for the stuff (married), he turns into ignorant salesman.

This is where STORMING takes place. The wife could complain for handling too many things. My newly wed friend must be very tired for being a wife and a worker at the same time. When you got married, man shifts all his house chores duties to his wife. So, the wife is the one with double duty. She’s now laundrying for two, making breakfast for two, shopping for two.

It takes time before she realizes that the two of them are team. They need to cooperate to reach their family goal. This is what Tuckman called “NORMING”. Both come to agree household goals. These goals may vary, but let me take one example: children’s education. Parents will come to work together when it comes to schooling their kids. It becomes the reason for them to work or to spend money. Like one of my friend who avoid going to mall, so that she can save much for her son’s expenses.

The last phase of Tuckman’s is PERFORMING. ”. For example, the husband will find money for their daily meets, while the wife manage it to fill every thing. In my uncle family, his wife allocates their money for their daily needs, their monthly bill, their children’s school expenses and back up plan. My uncle hardly knows how to divide the money. He’s lucky to have such meticulous wife.

I think it’s not easy to figure out how to work together when you’re newly wed. Young couples tend to focus on love, instead of the work part. It’s not wrong, but it’s so naïve. Marriage is a hard work and both persons related are supposed to contribute in it. Simply saying, “I love you” is not gonna feed you, right?