fake freedom

This week is a celebration of (fake) freedom. As my office is getting renovated, there's nothing much to work among those boxes. So, I decide to go out for lunch. Here's some delicious treat I choose:

Did I say (fake) freedom? Yup, that's exactly what's happening now. I had this task assisting special work force, but the bosses are under pressured and the other staffs are not ready to serve. I even help doing administrative job, which I shouldn't because that's not a researcher does. Along with my fellow female researcher, I have to manage the meeting supply, while trying to understand the content. Doing clerical work in hurry while thinking is not easy. Processing requires a lot energy.

Still, I can work it out. The real problem lies in schedule. It sucking almost all my work time, which means I have to stray other work to be in the meetings. They also run in long hours until midnight. This is troublesome because I live far away and I have to take public transportation. It's not about the money, it's about safety. It's not save for a girl traveling on midnight: both physically and culturally. If we check this using Maslow's needs hierarchy, my need of security is not fulfilled. Therefore, I lost hope for next need in starway: feeling love and being loved, self esteem, and leave alone the self actualization part. I'm pretty sad because it seems to me that my bosses don't even care. Why am I doing so much for them?

Letting a girl traveling alone at midnight is horrible, both physically and psychologically. My culture can't take it easy and label every woman bad if you stay out after dark. Moreover, society has a tougher expectation toward young women. Girls are supposed to be calm, sweet and polite. Summary, you have to the kind that need protection, not to vulgar, never be too strong. And coming home at midnight is not part of the criterion. 

Personally, I have right to go home anytime. It's not like I have anyone to scold me because I came home late. I'm an adult living in my own house. But, it's just inappropriate and dangerous. Shit happens when people not around and not looking. Do you really think normal people would swarms around at night? Not really. Although the city is not sleeping, but there are not many respected activities outside when it's dark, right?

We're living in the era of rape culture where people blame the victim for being raped. Remember what news said last week when a rapist shot death for running away? They writ article called "woman, stop using mini skirt for women crossing street". Ridiculous. Is is the woman's fault? I'm not even wearing short clothes, but I'm still afraid. You can't help the feeling. No matter how strong I am, do you really think I have chance against rapist?

So, no, I can't do this task anymore. I have my male colleague replacing my post last week, Thank God. However, the boss still calling me, asking help to sort meeting content as we're supposed to produce a report when the assisting special work force reach conclusion. I understand her problem, the new guy has no idea what's been going on. I make my boss a promise that I can help if it's on office hour and she agree. 

Yeah, it's fake freedom, but assorting data and writing report is at least my specialty. That's what a researcher really does.